


No rest for the self-destructive

by Kinky_Wincest



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic Dean Winchester, Alternate Universe, Depressed Dean Winchester, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Violence, Drug Addict Dean Winchester, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Guilt, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Regret, Sad, Sam Winchester Dies, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Suicidal Dean Winchester, Suicidal Thoughts, Worried Castiel, best friend castiel, smut later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 13:52:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17747093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kinky_Wincest/pseuds/Kinky_Wincest
Summary: This is a sad story about Dean being a addict and trying to deal with his brothers death.Sam dies at the beginning of this story thats why there is a warning about a major character death so please don't read if you can't deal with this.It plays in the 70s.Castiel will be a helpful friend and later on more then a friend, helping Dean through his addiction,slow burn and loads of drama to come.Read the tags this story is about drug use, alcoholism and suicidal thoughts,so dont read if you get triggered by that.





	No rest for the self-destructive

**Author's Note:**

> Again please read the tags before reading those first 6 pages.  
> Im sorry for any mistakes, English is not my native language.

It was a day like any other day in 1967, a beautiful sunrise on the morning of the 14th of august a warm and calm day in lawrence kansas.  
If only Dean knew that this would be the worst day in his life, that he will never forget this very day ever.   
If he knew he would have stopped his 20 year old drunken brohter from getting into his car,  
he wouldnt have fought with him or drank that bottle of whisky with him on that day if he knew.  
He would have stayed home and watched TV with him.   
Or he would have taking the keys from Sam's shaky hands, but Dean didnt and neither did one of their friends they just let him go,   
let him get into that car, the same car that was a Unrecognisable pile of metal later that night. 

Even three years later he remembers the words from the police officer at his door,  
“We are deeply sorry to inform you that your Brother Sam Winchester has died in a car accident in the night of the 14th to the 15th.”  
He hears those words ring inside of his head whenever hes closing his eyes and trying to rest,  
he hears them all the time and he will also always remember the last words they spoke to eachother..

“You are NOT Dad, quit telling me what do Dean ! I'm going to standford if you like it or not !” Sam had yelled to his brother on his way to the car.

And Dean had answerd with..

“Fine ! Go then ! Go and show how little you care about your family”.   
If he only told him not to go, not to leave but to stay and talk about it,   
instead of fighting and leaving...drunk... and angry. 

 

1970.

Three years without Sam feels like 1.095 days without Dean being himself  
hes now 27 years old and the towns drug addict.  
A hard truth Dean had to get used to when he noticed people looking at differently,   
like they are disgusted by him even scared of him.  
It's Dean's fault, he threw his life away after what happened to his brother,   
driven by guilt and regret the fuel for Dean's personality.  
Every day feels like another nightmare a unacceptable reality a time line that shouldn't exist this way,   
his brother deserved to be at college now and study law like Sammy always wanted to.

And now Dean is walking over the same graveyard that he visits at least twice a week   
sitting in front of his brothers gravestone and putting some flowers down onto it,   
leaving a kiss on the stone with tears in his eyes, mumbling a "I miss you Sammy".  
Every day Dean tells himself that he can get through this and that he isnt   
paralysed by sadness anymore  
its never the truth it never works he can't convince himself that he's fine, because he's not, he's past saving.

When he moves up again to leave he puts a cigarette between his lips and lights it.  
Smoking isnt the only bad habit Dean had picked up in those past three years.  
Crushing reality that his only friends consist of pills and powder.  
When he turns to leave he sees a figure of a body that he seems to know,   
a face he hasn't seen in three years and its coming closer,   
the person pulls his Trenchcoat tighter around his body and stops in his movements once he spots Dean.  
“Castiel.” Dean speaks in a rough voice  
almost choking at his words and feeling like he has to flee and hide,   
not wanting to be seen out of shame and fear that he's going to be judged like everyone else judges him.

Castiel didn't recognize him at first  
its been so long and Dean changed so much,   
he seems to have lost some weight and he looks older then a late twenties Man should look like,   
not to mention his pale skin and dry lips,   
the bags under his eyes and the endless sadness blurring out the once so bright green colour of his eyes.

He is sad about the fact that their contact broke up after what happened to Sam,   
but he understood and he would never judge Dean for not calling him back since he dosen't know what Dean has been through,   
he heard some rumours here and there but then again... rumours are just rumours.

“Dean, its good to see you, how are you ?” Castiel asks right away feeling as if they have a lot to catch up on and he wants to talk a little,   
but he had no idea of how much Dean had changed when Dean makes a almost rude and unfair comment towards him.

“Is it really ?” Dean answers while taking a drag from his cigarette, the smoke heavy and thick forming around his face.  
He doesn't even answer to the question of how he is,   
because its pointless no one ever really cares so why should Castiel,   
a guy he was friends with three years ago.  
He's already moving to walk past him and leave  
not able to ignore the way Cas has been looking at him, same as all the others. 

Judgement. 

“Dean, wait. Why don't we.. go and grab a coffee ? Catch up a little bit, its been a while after all” Castiel says, hoping the other one will agree.  
He needs to make sure that Dean is okay, because he honestly looks terrible and Cas is worried, more then worried.  
The rumours come back into his mind, people saying that Dean is taking drugs,   
he doesn't know which and he's also not sure if he's even believing it, but he at least wants to chat a little, and its still pretty early and cold and coffee just sounds great.  
“Coffee is on me” Castiel adds, putting on a soft smile when Dean nods his head softly.

At a Diner somewhere downtown Kansas are now sitting two ex best friends at a small table drinking a coffee and being surrounded by a awkward silence, thats not how Castiel pictured it to be.  
He's scared to ask what Dean has been doing the past three years because he feels like Dean didn't do much, and again Castiel wont judge.  
He just doesn't really know what to say, and every other thought he had flies out of the window when he sees Dean pouring some whisky from a flask into his black coffee,   
after checking the time Castiel frowns deeply.

He didn't know it was that bad.

Dean noticed Castiel's frown and he almost laughed a bit at that   
drinking his coffee then and letting out a soft sigh,   
not able to remember the last time he drank a normal black coffee without a little whisky in it.  
“So. You wanted to catch up.” Dean mumbles, looking anywhere but Castiel's blue eyes,   
hating the judgement that actually isnt there...  
“Right. Well, im currently studying History and uhm, yea thats about it,   
pretty boring I know,   
Oh! I also work at a bookstore ” Castiel says, drinking his own coffee and stroking his black hair back a little bit.  
He knows he became a bit boring, he was actually the one without a plan in their friend group.  
And now he's 25 and not sure what he is even really doing.

Dean nods softly, he always knew Castiel would do something like that,   
its a bit basic but at least Cas is doing something with his life, not like Dean...  
“I still work at my uncles car place” he says and looking around for a moment,   
not really the best at staying concentrated during a conversation.   
He really hates this awkward and weird tension   
he really doesn't know why Cas wanted to go and drink a coffee with him.

What's the point of this ?

Cas noticed Dean's concentration problem the minute they sat down at this table its really hard to ignore because its so very obvious.  
He is constantly looking away, not able to hold eye contact for longer then a few seconds   
its making Castiel a bit sad to see Dean like this... so the rumours are true ?  
“Dean, can I... ask you something ? You dont have to answer so im curios..”   
He tries to be careful and not rush this question, is it wrong to ask what he's about to ask ?

Dean leans in closer and huffs a little.  
“Yes. 

Yes Cas,   
im taking drugs,   
yes those rumours about me are true,   
im the local junkie,   
nice to meet you” He says with a slight growl in his voice, stroking over his face slowly.

Everyone he met lately intended to ask him that so Dean just took the right out to answer their question right away before they are even able to speak it out loud.   
He's not sure why everyone cares so fucking much   
he hates that.   
He really does, its not like he's walking around with needles in his arm.  
He is just taking some pills and doing some coke from time to time  
its the freaking 70s... everyone is doing coke.

Castiel was a little shocked about the way Dean just spit it out  
seems like he gets that question a lot..   
and now Castiel feels bad.   
Like he should have just kept his damn mouth shut.   
“Dean... I.. im sorry I shouldn't have said anything” He frowns deeply  
looking down onto his hands,   
feeling like he should just leave, he's only pissing the other one off so what's the point of this if Dean doesn't wanna catch up.  
He had no idea Dean's personality changed too, it hurts Cas a little bit.

“Its fine, Cas .   
Dont worry I just get that a lot” He strokes nervously over his neck and drinks his coffee empty.  
Finally making eye contact with the black haired boy.  
“I.. slipped after... you know.. and I just can't get myself up again” Dean points out,   
not sure why he's telling him that, what does he care ?  
He probably doesn't.  
Nobody does.

“I'm really sorry about that Dean, wanna talk about it ?. I'm here and I... I dont judge you, promise” Castiel puts on a sincere smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ! Please leave a comment or a Kudo.  
> If this story hits then i will be happy to continue !


End file.
